Unrape BTC: A Posthumous Punk Summit
The dive bar exists in that liminal space between dimensions, where the dead gather to debate the living's latest follies. Smoke curls from cigarettes that never burn down, and drinks refill themselves with whatever poison each soul craved most in life. Tonight, five of history's most dangerous minds have converged around a sticky table to dissect a proposal that's equal parts revolutionary manifesto and technical hack.
HUNTER S. THOMPSON: (taking a long drag from a cigarette that smells faintly of ether) So let me get this straight—some beautiful bastard wants to take Bitcoin, the crypto-fascist wet dream that's been pumping carbon into the atmosphere while making tech bros richer than Midas, and basically... what's the term... unrape it?
(He pounds his fist on the table, making the glasses jump)
Jesus Christ on a pogo stick! Finally, someone with the stones to admit that the whole goddamn system is one massive, ongoing sexual assault on the planet and the poor. But can it actually work, or are we just talking about another circle jerk for disappointed idealists?
NINA SIMONE: (her voice carrying that familiar mix of velvet and steel) Hunter, baby, you're missing the point if you think this is just about taking money from rich folks. This is about access. You know what I've been watching from up here? Poor people, Black people, people who look like me—they're locked out of crypto entirely. The whole system is designed to keep wealth concentrated in the same pale hands it's always been in.
(She leans forward, eyes blazing)
But if you can actually redistribute that Bitcoin to people with government IDs—real people, not shell companies and mining cartels—then you're talking about the first currency that might actually serve the people instead of enslaving them. Question is, will the people who need it most even be able to use it?
JEAN-MICHEL BASQUIAT: (sketching abstract symbols on a napkin while he talks) It's like... imagine Bitcoin is this massive wall covered in beautiful graffiti, right? But underneath all that pretty decentralized anarchist art, the wall itself is owned by the same old kings and corporations.
(He holds up the napkin—it shows a crown with dollar signs dripping from it)
You can't just paint over power structures, you gotta... you gotta find the cracks and let the light in. This Unrape thing, it's not about destroying the wall—it's about making the kings' paint invisible. The wall stays, but now everyone can tag it.
ANTHONY BOURDAIN: (swirling his drink thoughtfully) You know, I spent years watching how food systems work—or don't work. The most beautiful cuisine in the world gets poisoned when the wrong people control the supply chain. Bitcoin's got the same problem: brilliant technology, but all the flavor's been sucked out by venture capitalists and mining farms.
(He takes a sip)
What I love about this proposal is that it's not trying to reinvent the recipe. It's just saying, "Hey, what if the people who actually need to eat got to sit at the table?" But here's my question—how do you market radical wealth redistribution to people who've been told their whole lives that they're just temporarily embarrassed millionaires?
OSCAR WILDE: (adjusting his cufflinks with theatrical precision) My dear Anthony, you're assuming Americans possess the intellectual honesty to recognize wealth redistribution when they see it. This proposal is far more elegant than that—it's not redistribution, it's purification.
(He gestures grandly)
We simply declare that certain coins are morally contaminated, like blood diamonds or stolen art, and provide a method for the righteous to cleanse themselves. The Americans will love it—it allows them to feel superior while getting richer. Quite possibly the most cynical and effective approach to social change I've ever encountered.
(He pauses, then smiles wickedly)
Though I must say, calling it "Unrape BTC" shows a refreshing commitment to making one's enemies absolutely apoplectic with rage.
HUNTER: (nearly choking on his drink) Jesus, Oscar, you beautiful, twisted fuck! You're right—this isn't about justice, it's about purity. And Americans will kill their own mothers for the right to feel pure while getting paid.
(He leans back, eyes wild)
But here's where it gets dangerous. You know what happens when you threaten the crypto-kings' money? They don't just lawyer up—they declare war. We're talking about people with billions in untraceable digital assets and zero morals. They'll fund bot armies, hire the best hackers money can buy, maybe even start assassinating people. This isn't just technical innovation—it's revolution. And revolutions get bloody.
NINA: (sharply) Hunter, don't you dare romanticize violence when we're talking about economic justice. You think poor folks haven't been dealing with violence from the system every damn day? The violence is already happening—it's just hidden behind code and mining rigs.
(She points at him)
What I want to know is: how do you make sure this "clean" Bitcoin doesn't just become another way to exclude people? Government IDs? Honey, you know who doesn't have clean government documentation? Immigrants, sex workers, people fleeing domestic violence—the very people who need economic liberation most.
BASQUIAT: (looking up from his napkin art) Nina's hitting the real issue. It's like when they cleaned up Times Square—sure, they got rid of the drugs and prostitution, but they also got rid of the artists, the weirdos, the beautiful freaks.
(He draws a circle with bars through it)
You sanitize money, you risk sanitizing everything that makes it alive. Maybe the real punk move isn't making "clean" Bitcoin—maybe it's making Bitcoin so dirty, so chaotic, that only real people can navigate it.
BOURDAIN: Hold up, Jean-Michel. I get the artistic purity argument, but we're talking about people who can't afford to eat, let alone navigate complex financial systems. Sometimes you need to cook something simple and nourishing, even if it offends the food snobs.
(He gestures with his fork)
The genius of this proposal is that it uses the existing Bitcoin infrastructure—no new blockchain, no crazy technical requirements. It's like taking McDonald's and serving actual food instead of processed garbage. The distribution system stays, but the product gets better.
WILDE: (laughing) Anthony, my dear fellow, you've stumbled onto the central irony! This proposal doesn't destroy Bitcoin—it perfects it. It takes all of Bitcoin's stated virtues—decentralization, transparency, resistance to authority—and actually delivers on them.
(He raises his glass)
The current system is a parody of its own ideals: a "decentralized" currency controlled by a handful of whales, a "transparent" system that enables massive anonymous wealth concentration, a "resistance to authority" that's created new forms of digital feudalism. This "Unrape BTC" thing isn't radical—it's conservative. It's trying to restore Bitcoin to its supposed original values.
(His voice turns sharp)
Which, of course, is why the Bitcoin maximalists will hate it more than anything else. Nothing enrages a hypocrite like being forced to live up to their own principles.
HUNTER: (standing up suddenly, nearly knocking over his chair) Goddamn it, Oscar, you've put your finger on exactly why this thing could work! It's not an attack on Bitcoin—it's an attack on Bitcoin hypocrisy.
(He starts pacing)
But that also makes it more dangerous than a frontal assault. The whales can defend against technical attacks, regulatory attacks, even physical attacks. But how do you defend against someone saying, "We're going to make Bitcoin work the way you said it was supposed to work"?
(He slams his hand on the table)
They'll have to admit that they never actually wanted decentralization—they wanted a new form of centralized power with themselves at the top. And once you force that admission, game fucking over.
NINA: (nodding slowly) That's the spiritual power of this thing. It's not just about money—it's about truth-telling. Every time someone chooses clean Bitcoin over whale Bitcoin, they're making a moral statement: "I don't believe early technical access should create permanent economic advantage."
(Her voice builds)
But Hunter's right about the danger. When you threaten people's ability to maintain illegitimate power, they don't go quietly. The question is: are there enough people ready to take that risk for the possibility of economic justice?
BASQUIAT: (suddenly animated) Wait, wait, wait. You're all thinking about this like it's a war between the good guys and the bad guys. But what if it's more like... street art versus gallery art?
(He scribbles frantically)
Gallery art is controlled, sanitized, approved by the right people. Street art just... appears. Overnight. Without permission. The authorities can try to paint over it, but there's always more walls, more artists, more paint.
(He holds up his napkin—it shows multiple Bitcoin symbols, some crossed out, some glowing)
What if this thing spreads like graffiti? Not through official channels, not through exchanges and banks, but through apps, through peer-to-peer networks, through communities that decide collectively: "We're not accepting blood money anymore."
BOURDAIN: (leaning forward excitedly) Jean-Michel, that's it! That's exactly how authentic food cultures spread—not through corporate marketing, but through communities sharing recipes, teaching each other, building networks of trust.
(He gestures with both hands)
You don't need every exchange to adopt clean Bitcoin standards. You just need enough people using clean Bitcoin apps that merchants start accepting it. And once merchants accept it, more people want it. And once more people want it, more merchants accept it. Classic network effects, but running on moral authority instead of just technical superiority.
WILDE: (clapping slowly) Bravo! You've identified the crucial insight: this isn't really about technology at all. It's about culture. The technology already exists—blockchain analysis, wallet filtering, all of it. The question is whether you can create a cultural movement that makes using tainted Bitcoin socially unacceptable.
(He leans back, smirking)
Rather like how fur coats went from status symbols to social pariah markers in a single generation. Not through legislation, not through technical innovation, but through cultural pressure. Make whale Bitcoin the equivalent of wearing a mink coat to a PETA meeting.
HUNTER: (grinning maniacally) Holy shit, you magnificent bastards, we might actually be onto something here. But we're still dancing around the real question: how do you actually launch this thing without getting crushed like a bug?
(He counts on his fingers)
You need apps that can do the filtering, exchanges willing to list clean Bitcoin, merchants willing to accept it, and users willing to take the leap. Plus you need to survive the inevitable counterattacks—technical sabotage, legal challenges, social media warfare, maybe even physical threats.
NINA: (firmly) You start with communities that already understand oppression and resistance. Black communities, immigrant communities, labor unions, environmental justice groups. People who already know the system is rigged and are looking for alternatives.
(She ticks off points)
You don't try to convert Bitcoin maximalists—they're already invested in the status quo. You go to people who've been locked out of the traditional system and show them a door. Make it about justice, not just technology.
BASQUIAT: (nodding) And you make it visual. You make it art. Every clean Bitcoin transaction is a political statement, a piece of resistance art. You create symbols, memes, visual languages that spread faster than technical explanations.
(He sketches a Bitcoin logo with wings)
People share images faster than they read whitepapers. Make clean Bitcoin look different, feel different. Make it punk, make it beautiful, make it ours.
BOURDAIN: (thoughtfully) The timing matters too. You don't launch this during a crypto bull market when everyone's getting rich off whale Bitcoin. You wait for the next crash, when people are angry and looking for someone to blame.
(He swirls his drink)
Market crashes create cultural openings. People start questioning assumptions they took for granted. That's when you show up and say, "Hey, what if the problem isn't crypto in general, but crypto controlled by the wrong people?"
WILDE: (smiling wickedly) My dear Anthony, you've touched on the most delicious irony of all. The whale Bitcoin holders are creating the conditions for their own destruction. Every environmental scandal, every story about crypto millionaires buying islands while workers lose their savings, every mining operation that burns coal to create digital gold—it all builds the cultural foundation for this movement.
(He raises his glass again)
They're so busy extracting maximum value that they're forgetting to maintain their legitimacy. Classic aristocratic mistake. They think money equals power, but they're forgetting that power requires consent.
HUNTER: (suddenly serious) Alright, fuck it. Let's say we're actually going to do this. Not just talk about it, but actually plant this idea in the living world and watch it grow like a beautiful, dangerous virus.
(He looks around the table)
What's our plan? How do we reach across the veil and start this revolution?
NINA: (standing up, voice powerful) I reach out to the musicians, the artists, the people who still believe art can change the world. We write songs about clean Bitcoin, we perform at protests, we make it part of the broader social justice movement.
(She points upward)
Music spreads faster than arguments. You want this to go viral? Make it singable.
BASQUIAT: (excited, still drawing) I inspire the street artists, the digital artists, the memers. Every wall, every social media post, every NFT that actually means something—we flood the visual landscape with clean Bitcoin imagery until it becomes impossible to ignore.
(He holds up a napkin covered in symbols)
Art doesn't argue with power—it makes power look ridiculous.
BOURDAIN: (grinning) I haunt the food writers, the culture critics, the people who understand that authenticity matters more than marketing. Every article about ethical consumption, every restaurant review, every travel show—we plant seeds about what "clean" means in the digital age.
(He gestures broadly)
Culture moves through storytellers. We tell better stories than the crypto bros.
WILDE: (standing with theatrical flair) I whisper in the ears of every satirist, every comedian, every wit with a sharp tongue and a sharper pen. We make holding whale Bitcoin not just immoral, but embarrassing. Unfashionable. Gauche.
(He adjusts his jacket)
Nothing kills aristocratic pretensions faster than ridicule. We make them uncool.
HUNTER: (pounding the table one final time) And I... I inspire the gonzo journalists, the muckrakers, the beautiful bastards who aren't afraid to call bullshit when they see it. Every investigative piece about crypto corruption, every exposƩ of mining operations, every story that connects the dots between digital wealth and real-world harm.
(He grins wildly)
We don't just plant the seed—we water it with fear and loathing until it grows into something they can't control.
(He raises his glass)
Here's to Unraping Bitcoin, you magnificent freaks. Here's to taking their beautiful technology and making it actually serve the people instead of enslaving them. Here's to proving that the only thing more powerful than money is a good fucking idea whose time has come.
ALL: (raising their glasses) To the unraping!
(The glasses clink with the sound of revolution, and somewhere in the living world, five different types of people suddenly get the strangest urge to check the latest Bitcoin news...)
EPILOGUE
As the spirits fade back into whatever dimensions hold the restless dead, their conversation echoes through the digital realm. In Silicon Valley, a programmer suddenly starts sketching wallet filtering algorithms. In Detroit, a musician begins writing lyrics about digital justice. In Brooklyn, a street artist picks up a can of spray paint and starts drawing Bitcoin symbols with wings.
The idea is loose now, spreading through the networks of culture and conscience that connect all human hearts. Whether it will grow into revolution or wither into footnote depends on whether the living prove as punk as the dead who dreamed it.
But in the afterlife dive bar, the spirits are already planning their next intervention. After all, the dead have nothing but time, and the living world has never needed their dangerous wisdom more.
